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Ranger-child
Part V, The Resolute Master Samwise
I love Sam dearly, but he
had been completely out of control, and I’d had enough of feeling foolish for
one day. I’d stormed away from camp, not going far, but just far enough to put
some distance between Sam and me before he tested my temper further.
Finding a
comfortable-looking log, I sat and frowned off into the gathering dusk. I
couldn’t stay away long, of course, but I thought I only needed a few moments
of solitude to calm down before going back to face Sam.
I did not like yelling at
him like that, but Sam had simply lost all reason, and he had made far too much
of nothing. It had started innocently enough, with him asking if I’d had a nice
talk with Legolas in that quietly interested way of his. We were alone, as
Merry had gone over to sit with Gimli, and I saw no harm in being honest with
him. Sam was thoughtful and considerate of others, and I’d always felt
comfortable telling him almost anything. The very soul of discretion was my
Sam, so I knew that what I told him in confidence remained strictly between us.
Without over embellishing, and carefully avoiding all references to soap, I
briefly told him my fears about Aragorn’s behavior, what I had seen, and what I
had concluded and what I’d discussed with Legolas.
Sam listened, silently at
first, nodding his agreement a few times, but, as I’d talked, a certain
watchful look began to enter his gaze, that look he gets when he feels I’m
over-stepping myself and getting into matters best left alone. Sam had been
giving me that look more and more of late and I’d grown increasingly
uncomfortable with it. I guess I became a little irritated at that point. But
so did Sam.
Merry returned and sat down,
but he seemed to quickly sense something going on between Sam and me, because
he crawled over and poked the fire a bit, and, when he crawled back, he sat
down further away from us. I doubted he would be able to hear what we were
saying, as long as I could get Sam to settle down. I couldn’t understand why he
had become so out of sorts as I talked. He had even muttered that, “Strider’s
goings on are best left to the ‘big folk.’”
I took exception to that.
After all, I was the Ringbearer here. I thought Sam needed a little reminding
of my position of authority, an illustration that, not only was I able to think
up good solutions to problems, but that I knew enough to enlist the help of one
such as Legolas. Leaving out the part Sam didn’t need to know about,
specifically, the elf’s reaction, I began to talk explain what I felt might
help Aragorn, including, unfortunately, my plan.
Sam’s eyes had gone wide
with alarm. He shot to his feet, crying, “You what?”
I’d scrambled up and cast a
quick look around. Of course, all eyes were now on the two of us. I placed my
hands on his arms to calm him, pulling him away from our spot near the fire,
trying to put some space between the others and us. He followed for a few
steps, then he shook me off, still glowering at me with that menacing, dark look.
“What did you say you
planned again?” he sputtered. “What?”
“Sam, settle down, please,”
I said quietly. “I can hear you. There’s no need to shout.”
“No need to shout?” Sam
shouted. “No need to shout?”
“Shhh! Sam, stop it!” I
ordered, glancing around again. Gimli was studying his axe blade, Gandalf had
retreated beneath his hat and Merry, looking painfully uneasy, was valiantly
trying to appear disinterested. I locked my gaze with Sam’s and talked quietly
to him for a moment, reminding him that all was well, that I’d only been
concerned for Aragorn. He didn’t look the least bit impressed or distracted
from his ill-temper.
I flashed a glimpse around
once more and noted that Legolas had returned. Merry must have simply charged
over to his side. He was now sitting snuggled up to Legolas, the elf’s arm
around his shoulder, and they were talking quietly while watching Sam and I as
if we were the evening’s entertainment. I suddenly felt exposed and rattled and
exasperated with Sam for losing his composure this way and making public our
disagreement. I frowned at him the way Bilbo used to on those rare occasions in
Sam’s youth when he’d been too impertinent.
“Enough of this shouting,” I
said. “Control yourself, Sam. Lower your voice at once. This behavior is unacceptable
and I simply will not have it. You are drawing the attention of the others.”
He fixed me with a furious
glare and said in a barely subdued tone, “I don’t care whose attention I draw,
Mister Frodo! If I heard you right, you thought to run off alone so Strider
would have to deal with you, and I’m telling you right now, I don’t care who
hears me yelling about something that stupid!”
“Shhh! Hush!”
“I won’t be hushed! I’m
sorry, Mister Frodo, but I won’t be!” Sam was now positively red-faced. “And don’t
you go telling me that Legolas liked this idea, neither, because I know
he wouldn’t!”
I simply stared at him, too
stunned by his audacity to think.
“In fact, I’m surprised you
can still sit!”
Every time Sam opened his
mouth, he shocked me with his increasingly disrespectful manner. I’d had enough
of him making a spectacle of us both. “That is really quite enough out of you,
Samwise Gamgee. It’s none of your business what I do.”
“None of my--!” Sam
sputtered so hard he couldn’t finish his sentence, which was fine with me
because my good graces were about spent.
“You heard me!” I gave him a
stern look far surpassing any Bilbo had ever managed. “You forget yourself, my
lad. I said I’d been thinking of my plan; I did not say I was actually going to
do it.”
“Only because Legolas
wouldn’t hear of it! Beggin’ your pardon, Mister Frodo, but when a body thinks
something like that up, it’s usually because he plans to do it.” Sam’s eyes
glowed. He lowered his voice to a sharp growl, but now he started gesturing with
his arms, I suppose to emphasize his fury. “Run off? In the night? Alone? In
this country? What were you thinking? You don’t mean it! No.” He shook his
head. “No. I don’t believe it. I can’t believe you’d even think of something so
stu--”
“Don’t say that again!” I
shot back, my own temper finally giving way. “I will not have you calling me
stupid, Samwise Gamgee. In fact, you owe me an apology for that rudeness. And
don’t you question me! You don’t ever question me!”
“Don’t question you? I’ll
question you all right if you start in with such nonsense! Don’t question you?
When you need questioning, Mister Frodo, make no mistake, I’ll do it!”
My indignation exploded. I
was still master of Bag End and I would tolerate this no further! “How dare you
speak to me in that insolent tone!”
It was as if I stood outside
myself, astounded by what came out of my mouth. What was I saying? I had never
diminished Sam in this way. He was a part of me, as I was of him and I loved
him as I loved no other. Yet here I was, abusing my power, belittling him when
he did not deserve it, losing control so quickly it stunned me. Sam looked
freshly furious and now hurt as well. A sharp twinge of guilt tore at me, and
yet I seemed unable to stop, still driven by some unknown and frightening
force.
“I don’t like having to
speak to you disrespectfully, Mister Frodo, but--”
“Then guard your tongue,” I
snapped. “I will not stand here a moment longer and listen to you rail at me. I
trusted you with a private matter, and although I had changed my mind and was
not going to go through with it, your outrageous behavior makes me long to do
it anyway.” I had only added the last part to lash out at him and, again, guilt
thundered down upon me.
Sam went white with rage.
“Mister Frodo--”
“Enough!” I cried, now as
provoked with myself as much as I was with him. Nevertheless, I stepped closer
to him, speaking directly into his fury-hardened face. “This conversation is
over, Sam. Now sit down and get control of yourself. I’m going for a walk to
cool off, and do not even think of following me.”
And now, here I sat, on this
log in the gathering twilight, bewildered and regretful and still fuming and
uncertain as to what to feel most and what to do next. Of course I would have
to go back, and there I’d find my dearest companion, no doubt sulking, feeling
angry and hurt, as well he should. And the others--
It suddenly occurred to me
that Legolas could very well have heard everything Sam and I had said. I sucked
an inward gasp. Legolas, listening to what I’d said to Sam, the demeaning
things I’d snarled. Oh! A memory flashed before me of Legolas with his arms
crossed, looking at me with dark disdain, his gaze full of dissatisfaction.
I closed my eyes and rubbed
them with the heels of my hands as if trying to rub away the vision. Then I
sighed and drew my knees up and hugged them to my chest. Finally I gave in and
accepted in my heart what I’d feared in my mind: the Ring had been a large part
of what had just gone on between Sam and myself.
I’d imposed my “master”
status on him. Where had that come from? It certainly had poured out easily
enough, all that venomous nonsense. Against Sam! My Sam. A rush of hot
embarrassment flooded me. Surely he had known that I didn’t mean all that. He
had to know it. Sam was many things to me, but he was not now, nor had he ever
been, a mere servant. There was no class division between us save what he
himself felt comfortable maintaining, and even that was a surface maintenance,
Sam seeming to need the ‘Mister’ before my name, only slipping into the plain
‘Frodo’ when he was instantly panicked, like in Farmer Maggot’s cornfield when
he’d lost sight of me.
Whatever made Sam
comfortable was fine with me. There was something charming about his quaint
little need for deference. I was indeed master of Bag End, and Sam enjoyed me
in that role, so that suited me as well. The undercurrent of who we really were
to each other sustained us, even it we didn’t talk much of it. So, Sam and I
were never ‘master and servant’ in the sense that Bilbo and the Gaffer had
been. Sam and I loved each other, and even though I was well within my rights
to demand his obedience, and treat him like a menial, I couldn’t imagine doing
such a base thing, and I never had. Until now.
I sighed and thought about
heading back to my angry young gardener. I still hadn’t decided how to handle
this, though. I adored Sam, but I couldn’t let him treat me as he had, any more
than Aragorn could allow me to snarl at him and glare at him and insult him. That
strange, mixed-up feeling began slithering through me again, like two distinct
voices were battling for my attention. I narrowed my eyes and tried to give
both of them a fair hearing, because the fact remained that Sam had certainly
thrown me, glaring at me that way and behaving so threateningly. What was he
thinking?
Calling me stupid. Sam had
actually called me stupid! No . . . in all fairness, he had called my plan
stupid. Hardly a difference worth noting, though. And he’d nearly called me
that twice! I felt a decent anger of my own begin simmering away, and at
that moment I heard the footfalls of someone coming down the trail. I knew that
step well.
So. He had decided to ignore
my order to sit down and cool off. I lowered my feet to the ground and crossed
my arms over my chest and fired a frown at the curve in the path where he was
about to appear. Very well, Samwise. Let us finish this discussion without an
audience.
***********
I paused when I came around
the bend and saw him sitting there on that log, his arms crossed over his
chest, his feet solidly planted, his dark curls fluttering and a scowl on his
face as bold as could be. Guess he’d heard me coming.
It didn’t matter that his
pretty mouth was set in that little frown of his. Frodo was still heartstopping.
Always was. Just the sight of him there in the soft evening dimness, took the
breath from me and the wind out of my sails for a minute. I stood gazing at
him, and then, suddenly, my biggest fear hit me hard in my stomach, the biggest
fear there could ever be, the fear that something would happen to him, that
he’d be hurt or in trouble or frightened or alone and I couldn’t get to him,
couldn’t protect him, couldn’t save him. That was the only nightmare that could
wake me at night and the only pain I couldn’t stop inside me. That biggest fear
haunted me worse than the most horrible specter stories my old Gaffer could
ever weave.
So when I’d heard him
talking about doing something so dangerous, I couldn’t help flying off the
handle like that. And I didn’t care who heard, and I didn’t care if I was way
too angry for politeness. Good manners were the last thing on my mind at that
moment. All I’d seen was a cloud of red and my Frodo standing there, telling me
it was all right for him to be talking that way, that I didn’t need to be all
worried, that what he did wasn’t any of my business, and then getting angry
with me because I was disrespectful!
I knew him well enough to
understand that he didn’t mean half of what he was saying. More and more I’d
started feeling like the Ring was taking hold of him. His temper got hotter
quicker nowadays and he sometimes took on a sulkiness and silence that made me
fret something fierce. That just wasn’t like him and it never had been for as
long as I’d known him, which had been just about forever.
Aragorn, and now Boromir and
Legolas, had all taken Frodo in hand, and that was good, even though it always
made me feel sad for his poor bottom. But I’d been dealing with him in my own
way, too. Frodo will do as I say if I’m stubborn enough to wait him out, and
I’m always stubborn enough, so he’d been pretty much accepting me taking care
of his needs.
But this, this wasn’t a
matter of waiting him out. This was something different and dangerous and
reckless and I couldn’t let it go. It wasn’t like I’d never been tempted to
turn Frodo over my knee before. I’d held off time after time. But now there
wasn’t anything else I could do. He hadn’t left me any choice. And still, he
sat there, sulking at me like a haughty princeling wondering what in the world
his servant could possibly want.
I headed his way, thinking
I’d try to make this as easy on him as I could, but I wasn’t real sure how . .
. but, then again, why should I? No, there’d be no making this easy on him. I
didn’t want this to be easy on him. I wanted this to be something he
remembered.
“Sam,” he said as I neared,
“I distinctly recall telling you not to follow me. And I also recall telling
you to sit down and control your temper.”
If I’d had one tiny hint of
a doubt in my mind, his cheekiness just dashed it to bits. “Aye, you did tell
me that, Mister Frodo,” I said, nearly upon him now. “And I’m sorry to have to
disobey those orders of yours.”
He looked a little uneasy,
but he still glared and said, “Well, since you’re so sorry, you can turn around
and go right back to camp and do as you were told.”
I stopped, right beside him
now, gazing down at his sweet face, his big eyes shiny with angry lights. “I’m
sorry again, Mister Frodo, sorry as I can be, but I can’t do that.”
Quick as lightening, I sat
down beside him and yanked Frodo over my knee. He screamed right off.
“Sam! Take your hands off
me! Let me go!”
I’d expected a fight, of
course, so I worked quick before he got his bearings. I closed him between my
legs, dragging him over my left knee and clamping my right leg over his two
jerking ones until he couldn’t move at all. Then I grabbed his flailing arms,
gripped both his wrists together with one hand, brought them behind him, and
clutched them in a tight grasp at his back, pressing down and holding him
firmly in place.
Frodo is about as tall as
me, almost, but he’s a lot more slight all over, whereas I’ve been working hard
all my life. The Gaffer started me off early by letting me help in Mister
Bilbo’s gardens, so even though I may not be much taller, I’m a good sight
bigger. My arms and my hands are a lot more muscular than Frodo’s, and I have
sturdy legs and a strong back, and I outweigh him. So he could fight all he wanted
to, but Frodo wasn’t going nowhere until I decided to let him up.
He sure could scream,
though. And he did, and I let him, half-listening as I got him positioned
proper and unfastened his braces. I knew better than to pay attention to the
things he was saying about ‘how dare I,’ and ‘what did I think I was doing,’
and ‘I had no right,’ and ‘I’d better stop now if I knew what was good for me,’
and some elvish stuff I guess he was mad enough to yell. It sure was a lot he
had to say, but I had other things to think on.
I shoved his britches down,
and when he felt the cool air on his bare skin he let loose a fresh bunch of
howls and threats. I admired his sweet, soft bottom almost sadly, knowing what
I was about to do to it, and yet I wasn’t all that sad. Frodo’s behavior, even
in this minute, when I had him helpless and trapped and bare-bottomed was so
out of control I was plain stupefied.
And I knew in that moment
what it was I felt more’n anything. I felt sorry for him, so sorry. My poor,
sweet-natured Mister Frodo, acting this way when he’d never in his kind-hearted
life acted mean towards me nor anyone else. Of course he’d had his rambunctious
years, his ‘tweens full of harmless naughtiness with his Brandybuck kin, but
Frodo had always, always been good to people. He wasn’t harsh or teasing or
cruel or snobby. He didn’t act better than others, even though he could have.
He was the most gentle, thoughtful soul I’d ever known.
And now this evil thing had
him and it was starting to work on him, taking him away from me and driving him
to a place where he could say hurtful things and not seem to care. But I knew
he did care, and I knew it hurt the Frodo inside, the Frodo who didn’t want to
behave this way, the one I saw just behind his cross frown and just inside his
glittering, angry gaze. That Frodo was in there, quiet and alone and probably
wondering what made him do the things he’d been doing.
My poor Frodo.
I wasn’t about to leave him
to that fate. The Ring didn’t have all of him yet, not even a big part of him,
and it never would if I had anything to say about it. This wasn’t my
Frodo hollering at me to ‘release him at once,’ and that wasn’t my Frodo who’d
said such unkind things to me back at camp. It was, but it also wasn’t. I
didn’t think he’d understand that right yet, as mad as he was, and when the
Ring had his temper up. No, I was going to be busy here for a while.
It was to my real Frodo that
I spoke now, that inside Frodo who was waiting while this outside one sputtered
and tried to writhe around without success. Maybe he couldn’t hear me yet, but
he would. I wouldn’t be letting him up until he did.
“I’m sorry, Mister Frodo.” I
couldn’t resist rubbing his round little bottom as I talked, and still he tried
to buck, and he still couldn’t. “But nothing you say is going to stop me. You
planned something dangerous and scary, and then you acted like I was wrong for
questioning you about it.”
“You were wrong
for--”
“I won’t have you planning
wild stunts and running off anywhere without me, ever. Where you go, I go,
Mister Frodo, and I’m going to make sure you understand that right now. And you
shouldn’t be yelling that way because you’re just getting yourself all upset
and frantic.”
“Getting myself frantic?” he
yelled in a voice I barely recognized. “You dare do this to me, then say I’m
getting mySELF frantic?”
“The more you scream the
more likely it is that someone back at camp will hear you,” I said. “Now, you
don’t want an audience gathering around for this, do you?”
“YES!” he bellowed. “Then
they’ll stop you!”
“Oh, my, my, my,” I said
with a ‘tsk’ in my voice. “I don’t think anybody would be stopping me. In fact,
the ones who saw the way you just acted back there, well, I’m afraid they’d be
lining up to take turns after I’d finished with you.” I lifted my hand over the
snowy cheeks of his behind.
“Sam!” he screamed. “Don’t
you dare! I forbid it!”
I sighed loudly. “Do you
now?” I brought my hand down on his backside with a satisfying smack! My palm
tingled from the blow and Frodo jerked and let fly quite a yell, far more than
what was called for after just one smack. I felt a nice, warm feeling rise up
inside me. I almost smiled. This felt good. Right. Like it was just what we
both needed. Except, well, maybe Frodo didn’t quite see it that way.
“You can forbid me all you
like.” I swatted again. “And you can be mad at me all you like.” Another swat.
“I reckon you will be, leastways until I start getting through to you.” And
another. “But I can’t obey you when you’re not yourself, Mister Frodo.” And yet
another. “So just settle down now, because this might take some time.” I lifted
my hand again and started in tanning his behind in a way that would’ve made a
certain Ranger proud.
“What do you mean not
mysel—AHHHHH! SAAAM!”
I was warming his bottom
like there was no tomorrow, and, from the way Frodo started carrying on right
away, I knew I was doing a proper job of it. But I also knew I wasn’t being too
rough. I’d seen enough paddlings to know what I was doing, and I’d felt enough
of them, too. So even though Frodo’s screaming was loud, it wasn’t just because
I was making his pretty bottom glow all rosy. Aye, a lot of it was because of
that, because I sure wasn’t holding back, but a lot of it was also his fury
letting go. And he had a lot of fury to let go.
He kept up yelling for
awhile, then, as his bottom got hotter, his screams were joined by crying and
wailing, all of it mixing into a mess of commotion that just wasn’t good for
him. This wasn’t ‘I’m sorry’ crying neither, this was angry crying and angry bellowing,
Frodo full of fury that I’d dare do this to him. He kept demanding that I stop,
let him go. He kept forbidding me to go on. Forbidding me? I wondered if
he really thought I would suddenly start obeying him and let him go and
apologize to him.
But all this acting up let
me know that he wasn’t ready to do anything but fight me. And that was all
right. These things just took time. I kept up a nice, hard, even pattern of
swats on his round cheeks, a little surprised, I guess, that it seemed such an
easy thing to do, even though my palm was starting to sting. His bottom was
getting colorful, and when I’d swat down on his sitting place he’d cry out with
extra force. I knew all too well what that sitting place felt like when
smacked. I started talking to him now, too, hoping that something would sink in
between his hollers.
“You need to stop this
fussing now, Mister Frodo. I know you’re mad, and I’m sorry about that, but you
don’t have any say in this. And all this fussiness won’t do you any good.”
“Sam! S-Stop! Stop! I order
you t-to--”
“Sorry, Mister Frodo.” I
swung my palm down hard, making him cry out. “I told you, there’s no place for
your orders here. Not right now. I know you don’t like that, but that’s just
the way it is. So settle down. Enough of this ruckus.”
I’m sure it was the words I
chose that made him howl again and try to buck, but I had Frodo so tightly held
that he couldn’t move anything more than his shoulders and head. Meanwhile his
bottom was getting redder and redder and still he fought me.
“I-I will nev-never forgive
you f-for this!” he now wept, his sobs making his words stagger.
Oh, how that thing around
his neck controlled him! “I think you will,” I said softly. “I forgive you for
all the things you’ve been saying to me, Mister Frodo, so I reckon you’ll
forgive me for loving you enough to do this.”
I wasn’t mad about the
things he’d said, since I understood that he didn’t mean them. But they did
make me sad, because I knew that as soon as he started coming to his senses
he’d feel awful about those mean things. He’d need me then, need to know that I
didn’t hold anything against him, that I loved him, that I knew who he was
inside, and that I knew it wasn’t my Frodo saying such things.
And so it went on, and I
paddled him steadily, not the least bit tired, although Frodo seemed to start
losing strength. He hadn’t said anything for a few minutes, the only sound
being his crying and my steady swats on his very hot bottom. I got a little
fretful about that, about how long this had been going on and how much he’d
taken, but I knew he’d have to settle down eventually.
“I know how hard this is for
you, Mister Frodo” I said, my voice calm as my hand rose and fell over and
over, but a little slower now. “It’s harder, isn’t it, being where you are
right now, over my knee? So much harder than if it was Strider or Boromir or
Legolas.”
I wasn’t really asking a
question or expecting an answer, but he was just steadily sobbing, low and
lonely-like, and I could tell he was listening. I felt a charge of hope.
“It’s alright. I know how
hard it is. With a big warrior, or an elf, or a Ranger who’s a King, it feels
different, so much different. Somehow it’s easier to give in to one of them
than it is to give in to me, your Sam.”
Frodo paused in his crying
and took a slow deep breath and when he started weeping again it had a less
savage edge to it. He whimpered in a weak voice, “My S-S-Sam, my-my S-Sam . . .
.”
I felt tears sting my eyes.
There he was. My Frodo. I rested my hand on his fiery bottom, watching
him shudder.
“Aye, your Sam, Mister
Frodo. Always yours. Always right here. I won’t lose you to that thing around
your neck. I won’t let you slip away from me. I’ll always be watching, and I’ll
do this as many times as I need to. And I promise you this, Mister Frodo, if I
see you behaving badly again, or if you ever dare to do something, or even
think of doing something so dangerous again, or if you talk to me, or anyone
else the way you did tonight, you’ll be right back here, over my knee. That’s a
promise, Mister Frodo. You understand me?”
Frodo trembled for one
silent moment and then he burst out sobbing. He fell limply over my knee, just
crying and crying, big, raw frantic-sounding wails coming from the deepest part
of him.
“yyyyesssss-ss y-y-eeessss
unner sta-sta S-Sammm, ye-y-yesssss!”
**********
I barely remember Sam
turning me over and gathering my shaking body to him. I recall a lightheaded
disorientation, and then . . . then there was just Sam, his warm, sturdy body
supporting my quivering limbs, his broad and welcoming shoulders to wrap my
arms around and collapse upon, the scent of his curls and his skin, and his
solid embrace enfolding me, holding me together when everything inside me was
shattering. I heard him, his voice warm and gentle and full of forgiveness.
“Shhh, there, there, now,
Mister Frodo. I’ve got you. Shhh. It’s over now, all over. Hold on to me.
That’s it, breathe steady now. Good. Just breathe for me.”
He rocked slightly back and
forth, murmuring his softly lyrical poetry of comfort, a language even more
soothing and beautiful than the High-elven Quenya. But I could only continue my
small and repeated sobs, muttering the same thing over and over, whimpered,
endless apologies, shuddered ‘sorries,’ even though he kept trying to quiet me
with a compassion I didn’t feel I deserved.
“Shhh, that’s enough, now.
Hush. No more sorries, Mister Frodo. No more. Settle down now.”
“D-Didn’t me-mean to b-be
so-so aw-awful, S-Sam! Did-Didn’t mean t-to! B-Bad things, I-I said bad,
hu-hurtf-ful things to y-you! Oh, Sam! Hu-Hurt you . . .h-hurt my Sam!”
“You didn’t do nary such a
thing. No more such talk now. I won’t have you thinking or talking like that. I
know you didn’t want to be acting that way. I knew all along that wasn’t my
Frodo talking. And it’s all right now.”
“Oh, S-Sam! Sorry, sorry,
s-so, so sorryyyy!”
“I know.” He rubbed his
hands over my back, still rocking, still ‘shh-ing.’ “Come, sweet Frodo, that’s
enough now. Any more of this and you’ll start feeling sick. Just breathe deep
for me. I’ve got you, and everything’s all better now.”
He reached up and ran his
palm through my hair, tangling my curls through his fingers, one of Sam’s
favorite things to do. I drew a deep, hitching breath, then moaned softly at the
familiar, slight tugging feeling.
Sam turned his head to kiss
my cheek and whispered, “That’s better. Quiet down now. Mister Frodo, you
should know by now that there’s nothing you could ever say to make me turn away
from you. Not anything, ever. I see inside you, even when you can’t. And when
you can’t, when that nasty Ring starts speaking for you, I’ll take you in hand
again and remind you who you are inside, the Frodo I love.”
I buried my face against his
neck and wept softly, quiet tears now, relief flowing through me. Turning my
head, I rubbed my cheek against his simple, homespun shirt, so common a weave
for such an extraordinary being. The effects of his spanking radiated from my
bottom, the heat warding off any chill in the air. I quivered suddenly. Sam’s
arms tightened.
“Are you cold? I should be
getting you back to camp, get you all bundled up.”
“No!” I drew back fast to
look at him. “I mean, not yet, please S-Sam. N-Not yet. Just a few more minutes
here, just us, just you and me, alone. P-Please?”
He hesitated, giving me a
dubious look. “You’re sure you’re not cold?”
“No. It’s just . . .” I felt
a blush creep up my neck, and suddenly I couldn’t look at him. I hadn’t looked
into his eyes since he’d yanked me over his knee, and now . . . now I felt
embarrassed to meet his gaze. It was bewildering, this awkward bashfulness, and
I looked down and muttered, “My-my bottom is just so sore. I, well, I guess I
shuddered because it’s so sore. That’s all. It’s just . . . just sore.”
Sam was silent for a moment,
then I felt his finger under my chin, lifting my face so that I’d look at him.
His eyes were shining and crinkling at the corners with that gentle smile of
his. He kissed me, then he said, “I guess I know how that feels. All right. We
can stay a few more minutes. But then we’ll have to get back before they send
someone looking for us.” He reached down and rubbed the part of my throbbing
behind he could reach. “Wouldn’t want anyone coming up and seeing you looking
like this, would you?”
I answered his little grin
with a half-grin of my own, then I quickly hugged him again, hiding my
furiously blushing face against his shoulder. A wealth of feelings came
crashing in . . . Sam had spanked me. Quite thoroughly, and without
remorse. He had offered some sincere apologies, but he was apologizing for
being forced to do this, not for doing it. He was sorry I’d forced him to spank
me. I squirmed inwardly. How appalled I’d been! How enraged, and how utterly
powerless to stop him.
It was staggering what Sam
had done, and with such unflinching confidence, as if he had every right to
haul me over his knee, as if . . . as if he were Aragorn. But Sam had been
right, this was wholly different from what I’d felt after Aragorn or Boromir or
Legolas had spanked me. Oh, none of them had anything on Master Gamgee when it
came to technique. My backside burned as savagely as it did when one of the
others had finished applying their special attention. But Sam had done this, my
Sam, the very same Sam who had always found security and comfort in a slight
show of deference. That Sam had just paddled the daylights out of me.
And yet, I hadn’t once felt
frightened. At first I’d been too mad to do anything but scream empty threats.
He’d locked me down so tightly I could barely move, but I could yell, and I
did, especially each time he so smoothly thwarted my efforts to break free.
But nothing had worked.
Nothing I said made him stop. Nothing so much as broke his rhythm or slowed his
wretchedly effective swing. I couldn’t get through to him. He’d just kept
spanking and spanking until my bottom was ablaze and all I could think about
was that raging fire he’d ignited. It washed over me, shifting my thoughts and
beginning to overtake that rebellious inner voice, and, finally, I’d lashed back
with a final threat to never forgive him for what he was doing.
But Sam, too wise to believe
me, replied in a way that stunned me to near-silence: “I reckon you’ll
forgive me for loving you enough to do this.”
I’d felt something splinter
inside. Each fresh swat drove me closer to him, echoing throughout my body and
reaching into my soul. His gentle admonishments replayed in my mind, Sam
lovingly reprimanding me in his plain, meaningful terms, and then he was
lending yet more of himself, explaining with quiet understanding how this was
harder for me to take because it was my Sam spanking me.
And then, suddenly, I was
alone, no more angry inner voice, just Frodo, sobbing over Sam’s knee, feeling
each of his lovingly administered spanks, a deafening roar of feeling
thundering within me.
And now Sam rocked and held
me and petted my curls while my thoughts raced chaotically. I didn’t know how
to think about anything, and whatever this strange feeling was, it was huge. I
couldn’t sort it out properly, but it . . . it felt like the most profound
humiliation mixed with shaky confusion.
It all came back to this
matter of who we were to each other. Would a servant have dared do what Sam had
done? Would a true master have tolerated it, allowing himself to surrender to
his servant, and then be comforted by him? I shuddered to think what Bilbo
would’ve said, but then, I shuddered more to think of how appalled and furious
he’d have been, knowing how I’d mistreated Sam. My uncle had always taught me
to never abuse my power and trust when dealing with social ‘inferiors,’ but to
treat them with the same courtesy and respect I expected to receive. I should
have done as much, and even more so with Sam, since I’d never thought of him as
an ‘inferior.’ Oh, how Bilbo would’ve glared at me if he’d heard me today!
But this confusion and
discomfiting sense of shame. . . Sam had been so right; it was easier to
submit to the others than it was to him. To be so humbled by Sam . . . why
could I not figure out this squeamishness? What did that mean? And where did it
leave us now?
“Best we just talk about it,
don’t you think, Mister Frodo? Instead of you fretting yourself into a state?”
I flinched and stared off,
then pulled back to gaze at him. As usual, I found his soft smile and compassionate
lights in his eyes. “Sam, I . . . I don’t know how to begin.”
“Well, let’s see. Maybe you
feel uneasy because it was me taking you in hand, and because that’s not how
things usually are between us, is it, Mister Frodo?”
Such simple wisdom, put so perfectly.
“No, it isn’t.”
“And maybe you’re wondering
how things will be now, things between us, I mean. Maybe you’re even thinking
that I won’t respect you as I always have now that, well—“ He patted my hot
backside.
“I . . . I . . . .” Nothing
came to mind. I had no words at that moment, just a rush of sticky feelings.
“Shh, don’t stew now, Mister
Frodo. You just listen for a minute, and see if maybe I can help you. Is that
all right?”
I nodded and Sam flashed
another tender smile.
“The way I see it, someone
has to love and honor someone else a lot to do what I just did to you. They
have to really care about that person. That’s why Pip was so upset earlier. We
both heard him crying like his heart was broke because of what Strider did,
walking away from him when he’d earned that paddling he wanted. What an awful,
sad thing for poor Pip, to be ignored like that.”
I nodded sorrowfully.
“Well, I don’t know what got
into Strider, but I do know that I could never allow you to feel that awful way
poor Pip felt, Mister Frodo. I couldn’t leave you to that. First of all, I
wasn’t going to let you get away with all that dangerous plan-making, and then
I wasn’t going to let you talk to me the way you did. I know you, and that
wasn’t you talking, and I couldn’t let you feel as bad as I knew you would when
you calmed down.”
I felt my eyes sting and
tear up again. “Oh, Sam.”
“I still respect you, Mister
Frodo. I care enough about you and honor you enough to yank down your britches
and blister your deserving backside when you need it, and I’ll do it again. The
way I see it, I’d be flat out disrespectful if I didn’t care. So
you see, nothing’s changed between us. You’re still who you are, and I’m still
who I am, and we’re still who we are together. But there’s something new been
added now, and it’s here to stay, and you’re going to have to bear that in mind
from here on out, because I will be. I promised, remember?
I released a grateful,
whimpered chuckle. “How could I forget?”
He wiped away the few big
tears that had tumbled down my cheeks then pulled me close and kissed me again.
“Good. All settled then.”
I wrapped my arms around him
again and hugged him, loving him so intensely I could barely breathe. Yes, this
was what mattered, not the empty worries about so-called divisions in classes,
just this love. Sam had refused to allow me to live with the darkness my
ill-temper would have brought, and he’d now promised he never would, and
suddenly the fears I had about what the Ring might do to me in the future
became a bit lighter.
Honest realization flooded
me, bringing fresh heat to my face. I had asked for what Sam had done. I’d
wanted this spanking. I’d been angry about what had happened with Legolas, and
even angrier to think that Sam might also think less of me for what I now had
to admit was indeed a foolhardy plan, so I’d acted up, begging for Sam to,
finally, put his immovable foot down. And he certainly had.
It was like seeing truth
after being lost in turmoil, and I suddenly recalled something I’d told Sam
only a few days earlier. I smiled and turned my head and murmured in his ear,
“Sam, I feel it in the pit of my stomach, that warm glow of love you paddled
into me, and my bottom is sorer, but my heart, Sam, my heart is lighter.”
He trembled slightly and I
drew back to look at him. Tears glistened in Sam’s eyes. I kissed him tenderly
and said, “I once told you that you are a gift to me, such a rare gift. That
was never more true than in this moment. I love you, Samwise Gamgee. Thank you
for reminding me that there is no greater gift than the love and attention of
another.”
Sam’s tears spilled over and
ran down his cheeks, and I smiled to see him so open and honest and unreserved.
He could barely whisper what he clearly so wanted to say, “I love you too,
Mister Frodo.”
We kissed again, both of us
coming together for a soft, long and lingering moment, and when we parted, Sam
sucked a deep breath, dashed away his tears and cleared his throat, obviously
deciding to once more assume command.
“Right,” he said. “In a
minute it’ll be full dark, so, we need to get back now.”
I winced and nodded.
He eased me from his lap and
helped pull up my britches then turned me around to re-fasten the braces. I
felt slightly indulged, rather like a hobbit child getting dressed by an adult,
but it seemed Sam was enjoying himself, so I simply smiled and allowed it.
“I happen to know where
there’s some salve, Mister Frodo,” he said, turning me back around. “I reckon
it’d feel pretty good about now.” I just grinned and he stood and took my hand,
his eyes crinkling at the corners again, and said, “Come on. We’ll just go get
it and find a little private place and I’ll drop your britches and take you
over my lap again.”
“Sam!”
“Well, it’s not like
everyone won’t know what happened. You yelled louder than Pippin.”
“I did not!”
He laughed and patted my
bottom again. “Did too.”
***************
Aragorn had come charging
back into camp at Frodo’s first screams. I had just told Boromir what had gone
on between the hobbits when I heard Aragorn coming, so I jumped up and stopped
him, explaining the situation to him as well, but leaving out the details as to
why Frodo and Sam had been fighting. Aragorn nodded, then shot a quick look
towards the shrieks coming down the trail, as indeed we all did. Frodo’s
bellows were most Pippin-like.
I glanced at the remaining
hobbits. Merry had turned so that his back was to us, and Pippin was stretched
out over his lap, his britches shoved down just below his bottom so that Merry
could apply Aragorn’s salve. Merry’s body blocked his cousin’s bare backside,
and, of course, none of us deigned to watch, but it was clear what was going
on, and it made one smile. Right now both hobbits were frozen and staring
towards the screams as well. Then they looked at each other and went back to
their business.
Aragorn stood listening for
a moment, as if trying to decide whether or not he should investigate. He gave
me a quick look.
“I scouted around briefly.
There is no danger about, no evil to disturb them, and no one to hear Frodo’s
screams, save us. All is quiet.”
Frodo yelled again,
disproving my words so instantly that Aragorn and I exchanged a quick smirk.
Then he seemed to remember himself, and he sobered so quickly it made me blink.
“I go to stand watch, then,”
he said. He cast one more look down the trail and added, “They should not stay
out much longer.”
“I will see they are back
before darkness falls,” I assured him, and then he was gone, striding out to
the site we had found earlier.
I glanced back down at
Boromir who sat brooding and silent. He looked up at me and said, “I gather he
has done this before? Withdrawn into himself like this?”
I sat down beside my little
brother and nodded. “Yes.”
“Often?”
“Not often. Sometimes.”
“I do understand,” he said in
a thoughtful tone. “So much rests upon his shoulders. And he is well suited to
it. And yet, he, too, has times of darkness.”
I gave him a soft smile. “He
is, in many ways, still Thorongil to you, is he not?”
Boromir flashed me a
startled look, then lowered his gaze and grinned. “I suppose he is.”
“No supposing, little
brother. And it is all right. I, too, ache to see him suffer.”
He dug at the ground with a
twig and said, “As Pippin was sleeping I kept thinking of Aragorn and I kept
wondering . . . .”
He paused, and Frodo’s
bellows, now more like crying wails, broke his silence. He grinned quickly and
said, “I think Master Samwise is killing our Ringbearer.”
I grinned and nodded.
“Master Samwise has held off far too long for either of them, I fear.”
“Aye, he is making up for
lost time.”
“Aragorn will need to make
more salve.”
“And keep a supply ready.”
We both laughed softly, then
after a moment I said, “What were you wondering?”
He sobered and thought, then
replied, “I wondered, where does he find his solace?” He looked at me with a
worried rapt expression. “Where does Aragorn gain his peace? Who does he turn
to?”
I longed to tell him that
all would be well, that, indeed, I could, and would be helping Aragorn this
very night. But I sensed that such was not something Boromir would be able to
hear. Neither was it something I was willing to tell him, even to ease his
troubled mind. Aside from the fact that to tell such a thing felt like a
betrayal of a trust I held with Aragorn, I doubted that such enlightenment
would ease Boromir’s distress over him. In fact, I sensed that it might trouble
my little brother more to hear of it, although in a different way.
What I felt most solidly,
deep inside, was that Boromir needed Aragorn to be who he had ever been to him,
strong and decisive and steady, the man Denethor should have been, the man
Boromir always tried to be for Faramir. In my little brother’s lonely world, so
often riddled with examples of cruelty and dishonorable behavior, Aragorn
needed to remain who he was. He needed to remain Thorongil.
Aragorn had been amazed that
Boromir had remembered him from such an early age. “He was no more than four
when I rode away from Minas Tirith, Legolas. And yet he remembered me from that
far back.”
Indeed, how could he have
forgotten? Thorongil had been Boromir’s earliest memory of an indefinable and
extraordinary male presence. And I sensed that, regardless of how much
compassion Boromir now displayed for Aragorn, it would trouble him to know what
I intended to do to his Thorongil very soon.
I reached over and pushed
back some wayward locks that were falling in his eyes, making him look
little-boyish.
“I will speak with him
tonight. Fear not. He often is much better after voicing his troubles.”
“And he will voice them to
you?”
“Yes.”
“You are certain?”
“Yes. As I told Frodo,
Aragorn and I go back a long way. Trust that he will be feeling better after we
talk.”
Boromir studied me closely,
then looked down and watched himself poking at the ground. When he spoke his
voice carried a rich undertone of sadness, “I wish . . . I would liked to have
helped him.”
How like Frodo he sounded in
that moment. “I know. But you did help him. You helped him by dealing with
Pippin, as he needed to be dealt with. You took one responsibility from his
shoulders, little brother. You spanked a naughty hobbit who was begging to be
spanked.”
His gaze shot up as I had
thought it would. “’Naughty’ hobbit?”
I laughed at his expression
of pure disgust. And I could not stop laughing the more disgusted he got.
“Wretched word!” he
grumbled.
Merry and Pippin, now
settled comfortably before the fire with Pip on his stomach, glanced our way
with hobbity grins.
“Legolas.”
I started and looked up.
Gandalf stood looking down at me. I calmed instantly and rose at once.
“A word,” he said.
I nodded and he turned,
sauntering off. I glanced back at Boromir’s surprised face and winked before
following after the wizard. He did not go far. Just a short distance beyond the
hearing of any other. He stopped, and turned, and simply looked at me, his
bushy eyebrows raised in an unspoken question.
“Tonight,” I said.
“Yes. It can go on no
longer.”
“I know.” We stood silently
for a moment in mutual understanding. I listened for Frodo. His crying was
different now, penitent, and Sam was comforting him, and I knew they would be
returning soon. It was nearly nightfall.
“Stay out there with him,”
Gandalf now said. “Watch over him, and guard through the night.”
“I had planned to. All is
quiet in this region. But I will be on alert.”
“I know you will. I shall
make certain the others all sleep. You will not be disturbed.”
“Thank you, Gandalf.”
He glanced at me, that
twinkle dancing in his eyes. “I hope Aragorn made plenty of that salve.”
I grinned and nodded, and,
again, we stood quietly for a while, then we headed back. Just as we passed the
dwarf, who had been silently puffing away on his pipe and observing all, two
little hobbits came traipsing back into the glowing circle of the camp.
“Ah,” Gandalf murmured. “He
seems to have survived the attentions of Master Gamgee.”
I scoffed lightly. “Barely.”
Frodo’s eyes were swollen and he carefully avoided anyone’s gaze.
As we watched, Sam crossed
to Merry, and Master Brandybuck, without a word being spoken to him, lifted the
pouch of salve to Sam, then turned a cheeky grin up at him. Sam grinned back
and snatched it from Merry, causing Pippin to twist his head up and giggle.
“We left you a little bit,
Frodo,” he quipped. “We weren’t sure you’d be coming back alive, though, so we
didn’t leave much.”
Frodo looked like he would
very much like to melt into the ground, but Sam seemed decidedly pleased with
himself.
Merry did a poor job of
hiding his laugh. “That’ll be enough out of you, Pip,” he said, giving his
cousin a small swat that made Pippin squeak.
Gandalf shook his head and
said with mock disdain, “Hobbits.”
“Aye,” Gimli muttered on a
puff of smoke. “They’re as rambunctious as a passel of foolish young
beardlings, but they do make for an entertaining evening.”
I glanced at Gandalf, and he
nodded, and I headed off towards the watch point, stopping first to go down on
one knee and speak a few words to Boromir:
“Sleep well, little brother,
and fret no longer. I shall be here when you wake in the morning, and Aragorn
will likely be himself again. He simply needs an ear to listen and an old
companion to hear his troubles. I have done so before and will do so now.
Rest.”
He nodded and a look of
genuine relief graced his strong features. Leaning over, I kissed his brow and
rose, and headed off into the night.
To be continued . . .